This is an empty space.

Well almost...

Nearly devoid of content or purpose.

Nothing about productivity, no messages, emails, pings, “let's circle back”... just you.

Things get interesting, when you've been looking for work for nearly a year and rarely get even as much as a rejection email.

Your self-perception, ego, value is all laid bare.

Gives you time to reflect.

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It’s lonely, down here with your thoughts.

I think often of the tech CEO who told me in an interview:

I saw your website and was like, wow, I have to talk to this guy -- this website is so tacky.

Because I had what I would self describe as a bisexual gradient and a particle system on the page.

This is them now.

Dear [REDACTED] users,

Effective September 1, 2024 we have ended access to [REDACTED].

Is that karma?

...or is it me seeking validation in not continuing that interview process.

It's definitely the latter, that company was acquired by Amazon, but like... how dare he talk to me like that.

I also think of the time that I was asked to present at a company-wide design+engineering summit about the shared component library that I was the lead developer of.

And how, the day before giving the talk, after having prepped, practiced, received feedback from "STAKEHOLDERS", and flown from Madison, Wisconsin to fucking Austin, Texas... (no offense) (there weren't even direct flights)

I was told by my skip, the director of the engineering group, that my manager would instead be giving his stock internal sales pitch on stage to these designers and engineers.

I sat at the hotel bar that night, with my Dell provided laptop and redid my resumé.

That was December 2014, I resigned in February 2015, and moved to the Bay Area on April 1st, no joke. (haha)

I think about the many jobs I've had since, here in San Francisco.

Walmart Labs Idean Euclid Analytics

Or at least I try to remember them, as much as my memory allows.

Unity Technologies Cruise Automotive
Depression has a way of making time collapse, or stretch, and making the details unfocused.

And then I think about the hobbies I've enjoyed, the people I've met, the community I've found.

The Lollipop Guild, a small ensemble of the SF Gay Men's Chorus.
Alexa Improvise, an improv group I performed with, pre-covid.
Bowling party with my friends for my 35th birthday.
The Lone Star Hustlers, my pool team and close friends.

I think about those people, how they support me, make me feel seen, and help me remember who I am.